Emotionalism that is.
Today I had to go to the hospital to get some bloodwork done (non-pregnancy related). The campus that the hospital is at also houses the building for the maternity hospital (different hospitals - confused yet?). The construction around this area is insane.
The hospital I was going to had construction going on - additions to the two largest buildings, one of which spans the street. The maternity hospital has construction going on too. They're building an addition as large as the main hospital. It's just crazy over there. I'm glad I don't have to go there often... yet.
As I rounded the corner to the parking lot I looked close at the construction at the maternity hospital and thought to myself - I hope our next baby doesn't have to see what this new construction looks like (the new building is the new NICU). Then I pulled into the parking lot and parked in a spot I parked in every day for the months Arianna was in the NICU.
Then it hit me.
I could be back here every day at the end of the summer. I could do the NICU ride all over again. I could lose my identity and become a robot going from work to NICU to home to bed and over and over again. I could get to know the cafeteria staff by first names since I'd be eating dinner there every night for moths.
I'm not an emotional person. For anyone that has met me I've fairly level headed (other than the 'short fuse' thing every once in a while *blush*). I pride myself on being pretty composed. I hardly ever cried when Arianna was in the NICU - but I did break down when she went to the PICU just a week after coming home from the NICU.
But today...I cried so hard. I cried for ten minutes. I didn't want to get out of the car and walk to the blood draw station because I knew my face would be all red and puffy. I couldn't find tissues and it made me cry more.
I called my husband and cried to him. All he could understand was "I can't do parking in this lot for months again! I don't want to do the NICU again! I can't, I just can't!"
I hate this emotionalism stuff... pregnancy is for the birds! ;-)
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Take this and shove it!
Posted by Jennifer at 2:58 PM
Labels: pregnancy 1, pregnancy 2
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3 comments:
You know, I too found myself crying today. I told someone that I was expecting again and the response was more shock than anything else. Like "I can't believe you would do that again." and "Weren't you trying to prevent that from happening again!" They asked me if I cried when I found out. The only person that congratulated me was my doctor. Not a one of my friends. Makes it hard to be excited when no one else even thinks it could be a happy situation.
Oh Jenny!
I'll be happy for you!
CONGRATULATIONS!! You're having a baby - someone who will look up to you like no one else. Someone who will have their own special way of breaking your heart and making it smile all at once! Ya!!!
Yes, its stressful, but all births can be stressful - we just need to keep our 'eye on the prize' :)
Thanks. As my hubby reminded me, it doesn't matter what other people think. We know that we love and want this baby, and that is what matters most right now.
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