36 weeks!

It's a funny thing being pregnant again after having a preemie - especially sub 30 weeks. If you're fortunate enough, like me, to make it to (almost) full term you'll experience a strange emotion... the "I never expected to make it this far and now I feel overdue" emotion.

I guess mine is compounded, unfortunately...

Ended up in the ER last night due to lack of movement - which never happens, this kid is VERY active... s/he didn't do well on the NST at first and then they gave me apple juice and pretzels and flipped me all over - then s/he got marginally better, but I still hadn't felt a kick in HOURS... very scary.

Today I had my regularly scheduled NST and still hadn't felt so much as a hiccup... low and behold I get on the NST and s/he decides to hold a dance party. The NST was incredible - beyond perfect wave form. I cried happy tears...

Then I had an U/S. I'm really start to hate these... my AFI is 26 and baby is still in the 97th percentile - now 7 lbs. 12 oz. I'm 36 weeks... it could be off by as much as 10% at this point, which is about a lb. in either direction - so s/he could be as big as 8.5 lbs. or as small as 6.10... still really big for this point.

In essence s/he is measuring 3 weeks ahead - so 39 weeks. Add in the abundant fluid and I'm big... really freaking big and uncomfortable! I can fully appreciate why so many women complain about the end of pregnancy. It used to make me really mad when I'd hear women complain because I had wished to have been able to experience it with Arianna, but now I understand and will never chastise a full term pregnant mom again! Seriously, there isn't anything that doesn't hurt right now. My feet are huge and rolling over in bed brings me to tears... and lack of sleep? I can't even call 'no sleep' lack of sleep, because that implies there is actually SOME sleeping going on.

They won't induce at my office, instead at 40 weeks they'll give me the option of a c-section. He says because my fasting numbers have been so hard to control (now under control with 30 u of insulin) and this kid has been measuring steady at 97th percentile for 3 months, the u/s is probably pretty accurate - this kid is just plain big.

On top of that he said in his 30 years of being an OB he's never seen anyone dilate into labor once the cerclage is removed (which I know is rare, just wishful thinking on my part I guess) and furthermore, since I've been funneled to the stitch for so long (thus creating alot of pressure on the stitch), I will have alot of scar tissue that will make dilation difficult, if not impossible.

Everything about this kids position is perfect for 'natural child birth'- which is what I've paid alot of money to a doula to help me with. I've been preparing myself for this for months and I'm so excited to get the birth I want... but now I'm looking at the very real possibility of a c-section and that is very scary to me. I'm really disappointed. I know in the grand scheme of things having a full term healthy kid is so much more important but I was hoping the actual birthing experience could be close to what I wanted this time. *sigh*

And although I'm only 36 weeks I said a silent prayer - that this weekend I go into labor naturally and have a healthy baby. I'm beyond dreading a c-section. No, I'm not as foolish as some to actually TRY and induce labor but I wouldn't mind it happening on its on at this point. I can only pray...